I was told I have a “naturally depressed” brain by a professional. She said it is something I have to face. One day, I chose to no longer believe in this, even though all of life up to that point—in every way—pointed to this “fact” as being true. And I never regret that day I chose to believe differently, because I proved that professional wrong. I have a stably non-depressed brain for the last few years.
I used to have no reason to believe other than what the professional said. I had always had dysthymia, or “the blues”, as long as I could remember. These blues were only followed by periods of severe clinical depression. This was the only reality I knew.
I simply chose to believe differently, because the “naturally depressed” label just did not serve me anymore. It was a negative and static label that told me almost nothing of what to do about it, at most limited ways to cope. Most importantly, it went against what I wanted for my life.
The choice to believe differently was life-changing—not in the way it was a light switch that “snapped me” out of depression—rather, this choice was my first step of a “journey of a thousand miles” of wellness that I needed take for myself. (Note: here I wrote “journey of wellness,” rather than “journey towards wellness”—I was experiencing wellness along the way.)
This choice was an action. I cannot tell you how many times since I made this choice that I fell back to feeling helplessly convinced I must be naturally depressed. What made it an action was that it was a commitment to find resources such as help, know-how, methods, and skills to get me out of this seemingly unending depressed state. I practiced what these resources taught me, a task the “naturally depressed brain” hypothesis writes off as fruitless.
Even if the “naturally depressed brain” hypothesis were true, it would itself have been more fruitless—because if I were to make a valiant attempt against the hypothesis I can at least look back and said I tried.
I committed to taking action on my depression. This does not mean that I did not have many ups and downs, that I did not have many times I felt my progress stalled and grinded to a halt, that there were not many times I did not believe in myself, that there were not times I quit—because I had. It did not mean that I did not take breaks (note: healthy breaks from action ARE needed). Commitment simply means after all of this—I decide to pick up the task of taking action.
And I saw myself on the other side. I still have my highs and lows, I still can have times of self-doubt and bouts of sadness, I am still working on myself—but I can confidently say my average set-point is no longer depressed.
In my next article I write on concrete reasons I believe that the depressed, anxious brain can be rewired: https://leontsaotherapy.com/2022/04/07/what-makes-rewiring-depression-anxiety-other-emotional-states-possible/
