When we only look at the positive in life, it is like looking at a strong and beautiful tree and not acknowledging its roots lying deep in the dark, underneath the surface. When we ignore this aspect of ourselves, we cannot sustain what is positive, as a tree cannot sustain itself without its roots. Acknowledging what is dark provides us the strength to sustain what is light.
How can we see what is positive and what is negative in us (what is above and below the surface of ourselves), in way that is not only truthful, but genuinely healing of us in a sustaining way?
You (as have I) have certainly felt this way before: whenever we are only given platitudes, motivational quotes, and reassurances, and are only allowed the positive in such peppy snippets—that a troubling emptiness arises within.
When times are difficult for us, this emptiness does not arise simply out of hating of what is positive, but from a greater need of depth and meaning that is not being met when the positive is superficial and one-sided.
Such positives are like viewing a magnificent forest of trees in the autumn, spreading forth its vibrantly-colored canopy, in a rosy and lovely impressionistic painting. During hard times, viewing this painting can sometimes be wonderful and helpful in providing relief, but other times it can be negating to us.
When we insist upon ourselves to focus only on the positive for the sake of our wellbeing, something within us stubbornly refuses. It is not that this part of us rejects the positive, but it is because it knows the positive alone does not capture the full and deeper picture of ourselves or our situation.
It wants what is real. It knows in order to properly heal in a sustaining way, we need to see the fuller and deeper truth of ourselves. We need to see beyond the colorful, impressionistic canopy and see how the individual trees grow from their darkest and deepest of roots.
By looking at the fuller truth rather than a rosy painting of it, we can have a proper understanding of how to grow from where we are. When we can capture this fuller story of ourselves rather than suppress it, we have a fuller map of ourselves, and thus a fuller awareness of how to grow going forward.
Without roots, trees do not have nutrients, and they do not have anchorage—they cannot feed themselves nor hold themselves up. When we are focused merely on the positive, and what is above the ground of the tree, the positive could only sustain us for so long (what is “above the ground” can take the form of positive thinking, problem-solving, and future or action-oriented thinking).
These forms of thinking can be helpful and useful, but we may find the more we force ourselves singularly and narrowly in their direction, it actually becomes hard to keep growing, even if that is their full intent and purpose. Our growth seems to stall, or even halt and wither like trees not taking in enough proper nourishment and care from their roots.
How do we properly nourish and care for ourselves? By acknowledging our roots: by compassionately and non-judgmentally validating and understanding our emotions, and coming into awareness of how the past impacts us. This is not in order to merely “get this out of the way” to do the real work. What is beneath the surface is as much the real work as what is above it, as the roots below the ground is as much part of the tree as what is above it.
Validating our emotions allows us to get to the roots of what we need and value in our lives in a way that genuinely taps into them. By tending to the roots of our needs and values, the tree can grow upward in meeting them in a meaningful way. Merely rationalizing or intellectualizing what those needs and values are does not provide us with the proper fuel to act on them. We may try but our roots feel too dried up by this approach, and we struggle laboriously. When our roots call out in thirst, we need to get down to the roots and fully replenish them. When the roots are replenished, then growing upwards seems to feel easier and much more natural.
All positive and constructive ways of thinking have their place, but we only truly realize their place when what lies in the darkness, beneath the surface of ourselves can be understood first.
Reaching towards the sky requires reaching first inwards into the depths of the soul. When a tree is born, it reaches down into the darkness first to grow its roots, before it extends up into the sky. As roots continue to extend downward so the tree above ground can grow, we need to keep extending downwards into ourselves in order to make our way up. True growth is not merely focused on creating the canopy, but the whole tree in itself, roots and all—the full story of the Self in its light and darkness.
