Self and No-Self simultaneously exist. I strive for self-knowledge, self-awareness, and self-understanding, yet I do not attach to any sense of Self.
I accept the Self: that I have desires, emotions, and I am driven by a need for love, connection, and by a sense of purpose.
Yet I practice No-Self: I am not my desires, emotions, I am not my needs, and I am not my sense of purpose.
I treat the Self like an avatar I chosen in a videogame to take care of. It has its desires, emotions, needs, and sense of purpose to fulfill. When playing the game, I take care of them. It has its own personality, strengths and weaknesses, and I bring out its best.
Yet I practice No-Self: I understand and observe its desires, emotions, and needs from a compassionate distance, so I do not confuse any desire, emotion, or need as “Myself.” No singular emotion, desire, or need is “Me.”
I find ways to provide my avatar a sense of purpose, love, and connection—but I do not believe any singular aim or relationship ultimately defines “Me.”
This distance prevents me from taking myself seriously and getting too attached to any idea of “Myself” in unhealthy or extreme way. I usually do my best when I do not take myself too seriously, and I get in the flow state when I am not really thinking too much of myself.
I find ways for my avatar to have a nice life, and yes, sometimes I get absorbed into the game of playing the character. But that is part of it: I am human, and as a human I become attached to a sense of purpose and people.
I am still playing the game right, as this healthy attachment is what makes the game meaningful. When I genuinely cared for things and people in life, I get meaning out of it, and I love watching my character grow deeper in development through its engagements.
We find meaning in games because we become absorbed in them. It does not make it any less meaningful that we are the players of the characters, not the characters themselves. The themes of love, connection, and purpose in life give me a sense of growth and direction. Feelings, needs, and desires give life its color, dynamism, and suspense.
Unwillingness to engage in life and completely distancing myself from desire, needs, purpose, love and connection is its own form of attachment. It is an unhealthy attachment to a fear of life, another form of taking the game too seriously.
But from time to time, it is helpful for me to pause the game and put it away. Then I meditate, breathe, take a break from acting as my character. I don’t always have to be my avatar, for the avatar is not me.
