The human being has a natural process of unfolding into a deeper, more accepting, meaningful, intuitive and grounded sense of selfhood. The ability to access it is there, always with us, always within our reach. If we allow it to take place and let it be, we grow more in tune with it over time with confidence.
The ability to tune in with this process is a skill, and much like any other skill, it can be cultivated one step at a time. Just like developing any skill, cultivating a grounded sense of selfhood starts with uncertainty and anxiety, misunderstandings and misconceptions, clumsiness and awkwardness—but through sincere, gradual, and dedicated effort, we become more at ease with ourselves, more in control, and intuitive and experienced in being ourselves.
Unlike other skills that are more visibly tangible in development, developing a grounded sense of selfhood is ultimately an internal, intangible process. It is understandable why we can find it vague and frustrating when its feedback loops are not obvious, but we can learn to be our own best observers when we develop objectivity, patience, and even desire for critique.
We may channel our sense of selfhood into one or more specific skills, jobs, roles, talents, or any myriad of areas. However, our selfhoods cannot be mistaken for any one of these things, or get lost into any one of them. Though one person may be better at a particular area than another, selfhood is a whole different sort of area, in which one is on one’s own unique pathway in life.
Selfhood is the unique signature of your personality and energy, intangible and immeasurable, that you put out into the world each moment. This signature, which possesses a unique pattern that is incomparable with others, can grow in complexity in its own design. It is up to us to develop its complexity.
Developing its complexity paradoxically happens when we let go of applying pressure on ourselves. It happens when we allow our whole inner selves open up by becoming more and more kind and loving towards it and appreciate the unique pattern that we each bring to the world. It happens when we trust in ourselves—that is when the unique ways of being we emit to the world shines with confidence, calmness, intuitiveness, and ease. Self-development really becomes about letting ourselves be, and deepen into ourselves into more of who we are.
By letting go of comparisons, over-identification of the self with one or more areas of life, and pressure to conform, the Self feels more spacious inside. The Self can breathe fully and have the room to refine and hone its own design in its own way. It can trust itself, rather than depend on an illusory compass that merely compares and realigns itself based on others’ experiences.
This is why we feel ultimately dissatisfied and empty with mere mimicry of others, or become paralyzed with anxiety comparing ourselves with others’ life paths—these symptoms are the inner self’s resistance to us forgetting about it. While the progress of others can provide inspiration or useful benchmarks, they can never provide a true measure or roadmap of our own progress. Once we cease comparison and focus meditatively on our own development, we will find ourselves breathing fully—as this is the way the Self shows us that we are aligning with it.
