Non-judgment is not equivalent to lack of boundaries, decision-making, or proactivity in life. Non-judgment does not make me passive or vulnerable to the world, but instead I have come to find it to be the most effective state of mind to take charge of my life. It is essential to help my mind be sharp, clear, and wise enough to set healthy boundaries, make effective decisions, and take intuitive action. Judgment, on the other hand, clouds my thinking and ability to do my best by causing me to act in a reactive state of mind.
The truth is some people may not be ready to be in a relationship with me, and this realization does not come from a harsh or critical judgment of them. I know I have finite energy and I want to be able to direct it to relationships that I believe can evolve. I send them on their way and wish them well.
On the other hand, I realize I do not have to reactively cut someone out of life, but instead I can give them a chance if I can be clear about my boundaries, rather than wait until my feelings bottle up. I can state them in a firm but thoughtful way, so that they have the chance to learn. This is a balanced fair and compassionate approach.
When I make boundaries, I find it best to do so when I am not in a harsh or critical state of judgment towards others. As a human being, of course I feel judgment. I give myself space to first validate and process my own feelings and understand them. When I can be less judgmental towards my own feelings, it is easier to be less judgmental of others. From a state of nonjudgment, I can create a well-informed boundary with them based on the situation as a whole, rather than an impulsive one based on reactivity.
In order to make decisions and act proactively, I do not need a judgmental mind towards myself. Before, I thought moving forward in life means I need to beat myself up about certain things in order to make changes. However, in the end, I found that this would only exhaust and tire myself on my way towards my goals. I can act instead with a discerning mind instead of a judgmental one. I can look at how I can improve like an objective scientist evaluating what works and what does not work, what helps and does not help, rather than make harsh and critical negative valuations of myself. Framing it this way gives me much more energy, feels less heavy, and also enables me to see more clearly what I can do that is effective. I can also show self-compassion and also self-encouragement too, which go a long way for providing me motivation compared to self-chastisement.
Doing this, my actions start to become more intuitive, rather than based on reactivity, which self-judgment causes. The calmness and clarity of mind that nonjudgment gives me allows me to see with greater intuitiveness clarity what to do. Stillness allows me to access and trust my intuition as to when to act and when not to act.
